im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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