No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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