I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
