apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
