what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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