I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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