In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
did i just pee glitter
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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