Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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