I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
