i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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