I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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