no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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