She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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