Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
