Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
