1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
