im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
