I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
