Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
