Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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