Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
