So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
