what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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