After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
