I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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