OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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