If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
