jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
