I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
