Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
