I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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