Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
