We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
