pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
