Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
NoShamevember. You game?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
