laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
