Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
