I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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