True but thats because hes a fetus.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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