she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
