I just made out with a guy for $7.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
