hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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