I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize