i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
