you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
