We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
