Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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