I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
