you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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