She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
