i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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