You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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