I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
