Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
