Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
