I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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