I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
