I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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