Soap is not a condiment
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
