You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
