And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
