You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
