We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
