dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
