hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
