Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That's intense
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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