it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize