So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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