Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
