her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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