My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
