Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
