how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
