Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
