A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
