its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
