p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
