What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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