i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Im part way to drunk.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
