I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
