Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
