I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
