I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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