you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
