she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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