Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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