Pappa wants mamma naked
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
