U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's get the cat blown out
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
