Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
