She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Acid is not a monday night drug
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
