Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
