If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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