I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
