I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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