pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
