you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
