Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
